It's been quite some times since I got back from Vientiane, and there are days that I still miss it. A while back I got to talk to Soukanh and the kiddos for a bit, it made my life so much brighter!!
The last few months, at least since the beginning of the year I have had this urge to get out on my own.. to live on my own and do things the way that I see fit. Well, since I haven't honestly done this in the past it's been a VERY difficult change.
Will, who was my boyfriend and also the man I lived with, was the sacrifice I had to make to see where my life could and should go.
While he doesn't understand, and there are times when I'm not sure I do either, I do believe this is for the best. I do think that I need to be on my own, doing my own thing and having adventures that are mine to cherish.
So, this is week one of my new apartment. I do have a roommate, he is a co-worker of mine but we aren't living together in the same way that Will and I were.
It's been a very strange and slightly difficult week, I feel like a stranger in a strange place. The apartment feels temporary, and I suppose in a way it is.
I'm used to having a place that I called "home", and now it's just another place to live. It's something that I am learning to deal with, which is good! I am hoping to gain lots of experiences out of this and learn more about myself.
I'm not sure where my road is going to go.
I'm looking for a new job, one that better supports the fact that I am on my own, and I'm enrolled in school for the fall.
I'm ready to get my life started. I'm ready to know that I am able to do anything and face anything that comes my way.
I'm going to start working on my music again, it's been neglected for quite some time now.
I think I'll miss the life that I had been living, right now I know I do. There are things that I suppose we take for granted until the aren't there anymore. I do realize that I took those things away from myself... and to me there was good reason. So now it's time to live with the choices that I've made and keep on trucking.
I am eager to see how things, or IF things change for me.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I miss it.
The way the air smelled after the rain. The way there was NO way to keep your feet clean no matter what you did.
The fact that every night there was a perfect sunset.
I miss the food.
I miss the way it felt to be oblivious to what people thought about you other than that you were "falang".
I miss the way there always new roads I hadn't discovered yet. There was always someplace to go, and all more beautiful than the last... if only beautiful in sadness.
I miss the fact that people went places but were never rushed.
I miss the noise. Then I miss the stillness.
I miss the way I felt when I looked at the sky from my balcony at night - it was perfection.
I miss the cigarettes, and I even quit smoking!!
I miss the food. The way there were a million different foods and flavors I've never tried... and the fact that I was brave enough for a moment to try them.
I miss walking down the street and thinkng "what do I want to do today.."
Some days I would shop, some days I would spend hours in a "Wat" just to feel the peace that exudes from their place of worship.
Out of all the places on the planet that I could have spent 10 months of my life... never did I imagine that one of the poorest and smallest countries out there could capture my heart.
There are many things I miss... each day something new pops up that I once thought I forgot about. Good memories. Memories that I have a hard time dealing with because I feel my time was cut short...
But I have those memories, and for that I am thankful.
Life is this crazy/beautiful ride that I REALLY don't understand.
There will probably be a day when I look back at my life as I do my time in Laos... all together too short. Taken too soon, not as much accomplished but SO many memories.
I have to learn to love my memories instead of allowing them to haunt me.
Life is what we make it.
The way the air smelled after the rain. The way there was NO way to keep your feet clean no matter what you did.
The fact that every night there was a perfect sunset.
I miss the food.
I miss the way it felt to be oblivious to what people thought about you other than that you were "falang".
I miss the way there always new roads I hadn't discovered yet. There was always someplace to go, and all more beautiful than the last... if only beautiful in sadness.
I miss the fact that people went places but were never rushed.
I miss the noise. Then I miss the stillness.
I miss the way I felt when I looked at the sky from my balcony at night - it was perfection.
I miss the cigarettes, and I even quit smoking!!
I miss the food. The way there were a million different foods and flavors I've never tried... and the fact that I was brave enough for a moment to try them.
I miss walking down the street and thinkng "what do I want to do today.."
Some days I would shop, some days I would spend hours in a "Wat" just to feel the peace that exudes from their place of worship.
Out of all the places on the planet that I could have spent 10 months of my life... never did I imagine that one of the poorest and smallest countries out there could capture my heart.
There are many things I miss... each day something new pops up that I once thought I forgot about. Good memories. Memories that I have a hard time dealing with because I feel my time was cut short...
But I have those memories, and for that I am thankful.
Life is this crazy/beautiful ride that I REALLY don't understand.
There will probably be a day when I look back at my life as I do my time in Laos... all together too short. Taken too soon, not as much accomplished but SO many memories.
I have to learn to love my memories instead of allowing them to haunt me.
Life is what we make it.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Posting for the good ol' USA
I gotta say that being home for OVER A YEAR NOW hasn't been what I thought it would be.
The whole time I was in Laos I pined over the things I'd left behind, only to get back and realize that what I THOUGHT I'd left behind needed to be in the past.
So, I could say I made a mistake in coming home... but we all live and learn and I suppose I wouldn't be the person I am now if I hadn't made a few hiccups now and again.
I still miss Laos, I miss the temples... I miss the overall feeling of peace, whether it was in the country or just in my mind... it was nice.
Here things are so different, it's really hard to explain. Over there things are what they are... HERE, it's like every little thing is stress+drama x a million, it's lame!
I want to go back. Somedays I want to go back so much it hurts. But the side of my brain that is realistic tells me that that portion of my life has passed... sadly so.
I had the chance of a lifetime, and I am so glad I took it.
It's funny some of the things I remember just at random times. Like the way people said my name, or how long it took me to be able to order noodles on my own. It really was a good time.
Anyway, I don't mean to be a downer - I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.
The whole time I was in Laos I pined over the things I'd left behind, only to get back and realize that what I THOUGHT I'd left behind needed to be in the past.
So, I could say I made a mistake in coming home... but we all live and learn and I suppose I wouldn't be the person I am now if I hadn't made a few hiccups now and again.
I still miss Laos, I miss the temples... I miss the overall feeling of peace, whether it was in the country or just in my mind... it was nice.
Here things are so different, it's really hard to explain. Over there things are what they are... HERE, it's like every little thing is stress+drama x a million, it's lame!
I want to go back. Somedays I want to go back so much it hurts. But the side of my brain that is realistic tells me that that portion of my life has passed... sadly so.
I had the chance of a lifetime, and I am so glad I took it.
It's funny some of the things I remember just at random times. Like the way people said my name, or how long it took me to be able to order noodles on my own. It really was a good time.
Anyway, I don't mean to be a downer - I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sooo... about time eh?
Hey all, (all meaning anyone who actually looks at this which more than likely is no one but hey, borpenyang!)
Someone stole my password and I have had a heck of a time trying to get in here to actually write something.
Things here have had ups and downs, and they continue. I suppose it takes time to get adjusted - which I am realizing more and more as the days pass that I am adjusting, and there are things I could be doing to help myself in the process. So... I am working on it.
Next weekend we leave for Hong Kong! Way cool! I am pretty stoked about that. I have heard from a lot of people that the number one thing to do there is eat... unfortunately I have gained quite a bit of weight since coming here *sigh* which means um... I will work out when I get back?? YEAH, I like that idea ;).
I met a few new people, very cool. Some from the US, some from other various parts of the globe, and it has made things a little smoother for me in the last month or so, being able to hold an adult conversation as opposed to one on only a 9 & 4yr level has been MUCH appreciated!
Um... I guess I probably have done a bit since the last time I wrote, since its been about a month or so...
Eaten some more strange foods like... Pig brain, Cow skin, the inside roof of a cows mouth... careful its pokey!! Um.. no bugs recently which is good I suppose, not that they were bad! Its just um.. not my choice in food.
The boys are GREAT! Tim has been a bit under the weather, and we have discovered that Anakin has some allergies but other than that they are doing well. We have been trying to keep up with reading etc... which is good! They are both SO smart.
Anyway - yeah since I am pretty sure no one reads this I am going to do something else :) Deuces!
Someone stole my password and I have had a heck of a time trying to get in here to actually write something.
Things here have had ups and downs, and they continue. I suppose it takes time to get adjusted - which I am realizing more and more as the days pass that I am adjusting, and there are things I could be doing to help myself in the process. So... I am working on it.
Next weekend we leave for Hong Kong! Way cool! I am pretty stoked about that. I have heard from a lot of people that the number one thing to do there is eat... unfortunately I have gained quite a bit of weight since coming here *sigh* which means um... I will work out when I get back?? YEAH, I like that idea ;).
I met a few new people, very cool. Some from the US, some from other various parts of the globe, and it has made things a little smoother for me in the last month or so, being able to hold an adult conversation as opposed to one on only a 9 & 4yr level has been MUCH appreciated!
Um... I guess I probably have done a bit since the last time I wrote, since its been about a month or so...
Eaten some more strange foods like... Pig brain, Cow skin, the inside roof of a cows mouth... careful its pokey!! Um.. no bugs recently which is good I suppose, not that they were bad! Its just um.. not my choice in food.
The boys are GREAT! Tim has been a bit under the weather, and we have discovered that Anakin has some allergies but other than that they are doing well. We have been trying to keep up with reading etc... which is good! They are both SO smart.
Anyway - yeah since I am pretty sure no one reads this I am going to do something else :) Deuces!
Monday, June 15, 2009
So I have been bad...
Sorry to anyone who reads this! I know I have done a horrible job of keeping it up to date lately.
Mostly everything is the same boring routine, its all day to day stuff...
Every day Mon-Sun I am up by 6am, sometimes earlier if I want to run in the mornings... then its off to the Salon and the school by 7, I usually go have some coffee and read a book, then spend my afternoon doing who knows what for Alex or just relaxing (I know, its rough). After that its home, dinner, TV, Read to the boys or have them read to me, put them to bed, get some more me time in, go to bed... rinse and repeat. I know nothing spectacular. HA HA. Its just life.
But there are some things you should know if you ever travel to a 3rd world country - ready?:
1. ALWAYS HAVE TOILET PAPER WITH YOU - Bathrooms here rarely have a toilet, much less toilet paper, and that is not an exaggeration!
2. HAND SANITIZER IS A MUST - seriously, you dont know who or what touched what you just touched
3. LEARN TO LIVE WITH DUST - at least here in Laos you have to learn to not only breathe dust, but eat dust... it adds flavor ;)
4. ANTS ARE NOT THE ENEMY - Ok, YES THEY ARE... and they are everywhere...
5. AVOID COCKROACHES - Because once again they are everwhere
6. EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN A COUNTRY WITH NO WINTER - and that is not a lie! You see flies as big as your pinky and mosquitos the same size, its sad.
7. CLOSED TOED SHOES IN THE MARKETS - Unless you want who knows what kind of rotten something on your feet
8. ENJOY THE FRUIT - because its amazing!! And its everywhere!
9. LOVE THE SUN - but dont get burnt, it doesnt take long, but its amazing.
10. ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS - like the way the locals live, they are so simple but happy... the way the sun shines on the temples, or how the mangos sound falling from the trees at night.
I like it here, I really do! I am just ready to come home I think :)
This weekend we went to Bangkok, which was A LOT of fun, I forgot what it was like to be in a city and I LOVED IT! *sigh* the dirty air, the loud noises, cars honking everywhere... it was beautiful!
We went and saw the movie UP!on Friday, which I thought was one of the best movies ever! I got caught leaving the movie theatre with the 3D glasses, and the security almost tackled me... ok, not quite. But they did search me and my purse which was sad, those were sweet glasses.
After that we went and ate some amazing sushi, seriously great stuff! It was expensive for Bangkok, but all of us still ate a lot on less than $50, now tell me where in the US you can find a deal like that (and that was for 6 people!).
Saturday we took Anakin to the dentist, while he was in there I enjoyed some starbucks (HELL YES I DID) and like music (this was in the hospital, I think they had 20 different restaurants plus book stores etc...), after that we went shopping! OH SO MUCH FUN! I found this amazing wig that I just had to buy!
We had a concert that night, so Alex watched the boys and Me, Soukanh, Aot & Tui all went to this Fashion4Life Benefit concert, which was fun! Models music men... the three M's and I am happy (hehe, only kind of kidding)
After that it was a dinner of Mama noodles (Lao/Thai version of Ramen... and they eat it all the time) and then bed.
Sunday was a full day as well, got up and went to the Zoo in Bangkok, it was fun! The boys loved it! Then we went shopping, then ate, then shopped some more, then went to see the World Acrobats from Vegas, they were really good. I was told the show is better in Beijing, but I dont know, I havent been there. So... that was fun. After that Seafood that was amazing and then back to the hotel. Soukanh and I got massages, oh lord there is nothing like a full body massage after... um... 5 months of stress ha ha. But it was great, I loved it!
Then bed and then the long drive home. On the way home we stopped by some old ruins which were beautiful! I love History!
Aot made fun of me and told me to m ake up my mind. A few hours earlier I was gushing about how I loved the city and wanted to go back blah blah blah... and then there I was at this old old old country ruins proclaiming my love for history. He said I didnt make sense and that I should choose... ha ha.
I do love both, I love history, and I love the city... so I am thinkin I need to live in Europe he he.
Anyway I am going to sign off here.
Hope everyone is doing peachy!!
:)
Megan
Mostly everything is the same boring routine, its all day to day stuff...
Every day Mon-Sun I am up by 6am, sometimes earlier if I want to run in the mornings... then its off to the Salon and the school by 7, I usually go have some coffee and read a book, then spend my afternoon doing who knows what for Alex or just relaxing (I know, its rough). After that its home, dinner, TV, Read to the boys or have them read to me, put them to bed, get some more me time in, go to bed... rinse and repeat. I know nothing spectacular. HA HA. Its just life.
But there are some things you should know if you ever travel to a 3rd world country - ready?:
1. ALWAYS HAVE TOILET PAPER WITH YOU - Bathrooms here rarely have a toilet, much less toilet paper, and that is not an exaggeration!
2. HAND SANITIZER IS A MUST - seriously, you dont know who or what touched what you just touched
3. LEARN TO LIVE WITH DUST - at least here in Laos you have to learn to not only breathe dust, but eat dust... it adds flavor ;)
4. ANTS ARE NOT THE ENEMY - Ok, YES THEY ARE... and they are everywhere...
5. AVOID COCKROACHES - Because once again they are everwhere
6. EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN A COUNTRY WITH NO WINTER - and that is not a lie! You see flies as big as your pinky and mosquitos the same size, its sad.
7. CLOSED TOED SHOES IN THE MARKETS - Unless you want who knows what kind of rotten something on your feet
8. ENJOY THE FRUIT - because its amazing!! And its everywhere!
9. LOVE THE SUN - but dont get burnt, it doesnt take long, but its amazing.
10. ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS - like the way the locals live, they are so simple but happy... the way the sun shines on the temples, or how the mangos sound falling from the trees at night.
I like it here, I really do! I am just ready to come home I think :)
This weekend we went to Bangkok, which was A LOT of fun, I forgot what it was like to be in a city and I LOVED IT! *sigh* the dirty air, the loud noises, cars honking everywhere... it was beautiful!
We went and saw the movie UP!on Friday, which I thought was one of the best movies ever! I got caught leaving the movie theatre with the 3D glasses, and the security almost tackled me... ok, not quite. But they did search me and my purse which was sad, those were sweet glasses.
After that we went and ate some amazing sushi, seriously great stuff! It was expensive for Bangkok, but all of us still ate a lot on less than $50, now tell me where in the US you can find a deal like that (and that was for 6 people!).
Saturday we took Anakin to the dentist, while he was in there I enjoyed some starbucks (HELL YES I DID) and like music (this was in the hospital, I think they had 20 different restaurants plus book stores etc...), after that we went shopping! OH SO MUCH FUN! I found this amazing wig that I just had to buy!
We had a concert that night, so Alex watched the boys and Me, Soukanh, Aot & Tui all went to this Fashion4Life Benefit concert, which was fun! Models music men... the three M's and I am happy (hehe, only kind of kidding)
After that it was a dinner of Mama noodles (Lao/Thai version of Ramen... and they eat it all the time) and then bed.
Sunday was a full day as well, got up and went to the Zoo in Bangkok, it was fun! The boys loved it! Then we went shopping, then ate, then shopped some more, then went to see the World Acrobats from Vegas, they were really good. I was told the show is better in Beijing, but I dont know, I havent been there. So... that was fun. After that Seafood that was amazing and then back to the hotel. Soukanh and I got massages, oh lord there is nothing like a full body massage after... um... 5 months of stress ha ha. But it was great, I loved it!
Then bed and then the long drive home. On the way home we stopped by some old ruins which were beautiful! I love History!
Aot made fun of me and told me to m ake up my mind. A few hours earlier I was gushing about how I loved the city and wanted to go back blah blah blah... and then there I was at this old old old country ruins proclaiming my love for history. He said I didnt make sense and that I should choose... ha ha.
I do love both, I love history, and I love the city... so I am thinkin I need to live in Europe he he.
Anyway I am going to sign off here.
Hope everyone is doing peachy!!
:)
Megan
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Picture update!!
Just a few pictures to update ya'll, I know I havent been on here in a while.
Things are going pretty good! Spent the last few weekends fishing and just hanging out with the fam. My weeks are filled with boredom and ... well thats about it.
Anyway I should probably get to doing something. Hope ya'll are peachy keen.
Monday, May 11, 2009
♫OOOOOOhhhhh what a beautiful mornin, oh what I beautiful day... I've got a beautiful feeling everythings goin my way...♫
Have I ever mentioned I love old musicals lol. Yeah, lame I know.
Not too much has been going on around here I suppose, its raining more and more consistantly - soon the rainy season will start and all the crazy dust will turn to mud. YAY. ha ha.
This weekend we had an Architect come in from Thailand - Soukanh took them, me and a few other people out to dinner and then to one of the night clubs here ... we had a good time! The clubs here are TOTALLY different than those in the US, honest! I know I have said it before but its the truth and I cant get over it... when I get back to the states I will be happy to go into a night club and be able to dance lol.
Saturday I spent in Udon Thani Thailand with Aot, Bie and Nutt - most of the time I spent by myself since they went to the dentist so I spent the day shopping and spending all kinds of money (which I really shouldnt have but... hey)
Aot told me that everyone missed his birthday which made me pretty peeved at him so I bought him a few things, I think he was surprised. I told him if he ever let something like that pass again I would punch him in the face. HA.
Sunday we all went fishing which was lots of fun!
Not too much has been going on around here I suppose, its raining more and more consistantly - soon the rainy season will start and all the crazy dust will turn to mud. YAY. ha ha.
This weekend we had an Architect come in from Thailand - Soukanh took them, me and a few other people out to dinner and then to one of the night clubs here ... we had a good time! The clubs here are TOTALLY different than those in the US, honest! I know I have said it before but its the truth and I cant get over it... when I get back to the states I will be happy to go into a night club and be able to dance lol.
Saturday I spent in Udon Thani Thailand with Aot, Bie and Nutt - most of the time I spent by myself since they went to the dentist so I spent the day shopping and spending all kinds of money (which I really shouldnt have but... hey)
Aot told me that everyone missed his birthday which made me pretty peeved at him so I bought him a few things, I think he was surprised. I told him if he ever let something like that pass again I would punch him in the face. HA.
Sunday we all went fishing which was lots of fun!
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